I’m in the business of falling in and out of love
We are located at the northern most hemisphere
And there you’ll find me, perched upon my stool
placed a top a frozen ocean that once flowed and glowed with life
with fingerless gloves, I warm the tips of my skin
as my hands look to absorb the cinders climbing
and encircling the breath of my chilled sighs as I think of him
and how his voice could make my heart hushed where I stand
how the hourglass stood still, so I could have a good look at him
and it was there that I knew, I had to have him
when I stood up from the stool that I sat,
the awe of my heart, spilled down the spinal cord of my back
creeping its way down, through the pair of my best shoes
and I watched the floor melt before me,
giving lightening speed to a crack in the ice
which made it’s way to where my lover stood
and I watched in horror
you see, my lover fell. He’s 1000 meters under the sea
and all I have left, is his memory, just floating
and the last words he told me, that keep ringing
he bellowed at me, so angrily, that there was no God
one too many times, and in his current life, it’s probably true
yet, he gave me no wiggle room to explain who god was
it can be best told with a nat king cole love song
see, It might sound silly, but god is inside me
he talks to me, not verbally, but universally, internally and mentally
when you fall in love with heartbreak, god shows you what it’s like to die
life and god is a circle, never ending, an eternal loop
unescapable, i’m not sure
but the constant wrath of the monsters of man
are clenched within the fists of my hands
I hold fire, I hold it for you
I am a martyr, and my objective, is to show you there is no fear in death
there only lives fear, here, within the depths of the dirt mankind has stood in
with roots that reach down for thousands of years
within the layers of years that make a man
did you know when you smile in the middle of war, that’s god touching you
when you can bleed sinful tears and surrender, to you
“is that what loving yourself is?” I hear the angels say unto me
you see, I have been kissing death for thousands of years
and as I indulge in those sweet marital pecks, I think to myself
whoever gets to be with you, is bound by fate, or just incredibly lucky
cause I’ve never felt more alive, as in those small moments the earth lets me lay down to die
on my back, laying under star lit skies as I fall into the moon thinking about you
as apocalypse is always near, it’s always here,
those monsters are your best friends, my dear
no one is in control,
and I’m stuck on pause, in the game of, you
for you, my heart, my love, my soul
for you
“but what do you know about god”, that man says
I know god, because I am death and the darkness is my friend
and the only way to feel at peace is accepting all of them
for what makes a man without the greatest challenges thrown at him?
perhaps it’s military training to be god
eternal conditioning, that only we can see within each ourselves
and my work, is to love the most unloveable
at the cost of my own heart
on the cross I’m nailed, to show you, the path is not as scary as you make it
somewhere, somehow, man just became disfunction
it was a lack of love, self destruction, it was the elements of irreducible rascality
a supernova that must eliminate itself to create more versions, outward and then inward again
but this organic machine is incredible, for it’s always trying to fix itself
cause it hates itself, so it keeps itself from being happy, it doesn’t understand itself
and upon birth, it’s born unaware
it will always feel undeserving, in the shadow of it’s dysfunctions
and I’m just here to say, follow me to the pearly gates
hand in hand, thru the rest of our beating lives, because I am the one who knows the way
and it’s not easy, and it’s not all butterflies and sunny days
I cannot love myself without loving all the darkest parts of me
and all the darkest parts of you, for my brother, is another version of me
I can only love myself, by loving you
I can only love you, by loving myself
and when one day you fall in love, I hope you’ll see it too
the one emotion I gave you, that can withstand all wars
It’s there when we are born, it’s searched for as we live and it’s on our mind as we go
love is never giving up on you
love is never judging you, but listening
love is understanding
love is happy
love is joy
love is patient and love is kind
love has flooded my mind
to prepare me for the day that I die
It’s tiring, to carry the pain of the world on my shoulders,
to carry this unrequited love of mankind
it strangles me, within the cellular memories of my ancestors
I am woman, chimera, and only I cary both the DNA of my parents and my children
and it lives inside my brain
see god is a woman, and the worst part of her is mankind
forever giving birth to her own self
fighting with herself
from never ending dimensions that loop infinity
I asked my 4 year old daughter, “what does love feel like?”
She said, “love feels like I’m proud of you”
and you know what? She’s right
I can’t swim under the ice to come get you
for I will drown too
but, I’m in the business of falling in and out of love
so I wait here, at the northern most hemisphere
with a sign on the door, “come back later, heart is out of order”
and there you’ll find me perched upon my stool
placed a top a frozen ocean that once flowed and glowed with life
with fingerless gloves, I warm the tips of my skin
as my hands look to absorb the cinders climbing
and encircling the breath of my chilled sighs as I think of him
and how his voice could make my heart hushed where I stand
how the hourglass stood still, so I could have a good look at him
and it was there that I knew, I had to have him
but my daughter told me, I must be patient, I must wait
as he pulls himself to surface, a supernova
for the day he’s ready for me to be proud of him