I am awake at dawn but can’t seem to clear my thoughts of you. My angel. So grateful that my heart can reside in the realm of your morality and grace and is no longer entrapped by the mouths of wolves who’ve ravaged my innocence. I lay under the suns rays this early morning, for two hours, making love to memories you and I have never shared. I am perplexed by the pull my skin hungers for from you. Was it conjured by rejection? Or was it something more? As I sit and think, I remember how love stirred in me. I remember what it was that caused my belly an envy of desire for him. It was how he loved his wife. It was how he loved. It was seeing his exposed heart selflessly give himself to her. Even in times when the love between them might have been gone, he remained strong and gave her the love she needed. Sacrificed himself for her smile.

For men like this are a rare find. A jewel found from peering for years upon years with my telescope pointed at all angles in the skies. I had not known men like this. I had never seen a man treat mine own mother with respect or romance or tender loving care. I had not so much been treated in that way myself. True love. Patient love. Kind love. Selfless love given to others without the expectation of love returned. A heart like mother Theresa, or the Dalai lama. The heart of an angel. A most intelligent act of service which takes great emotional strength. Not many men can find themselves depleted and continue to be the roots and guide his family needs. That is why I love him. How could one not fall in love with an angel?

He flew into my window and kissed me and I grew a higher self worth from the blessing bestowed upon me. Blinded by love at first sight. A hopeless romantic had fallen for an angel. And my hopes were filled with the days ahead that him and I could find time within the clouds to play. But, as sad stories must have it, He had cast me away. For thats what angels must do. He set me free. Another selfless act, that destroyed all of my dreams.

And what is the recipe that would make me irresistible to him? I want him to take my soul for his own. I want to know that feeling of what it’s like to be loved by him. How would my heart transform to hear him say he loved me? Some may think i’m foolish. One of the most joyous times of my life, was the one night I was gifted to be with him, in unison. One night that felt like forever, but ended too quickly. And in the days that followed, my thoughts replay all the banter, giggles and sensual touch we did and didn’t do. My hands always finding their way to fire up the desire burning between my legs as my imagination pulls me into the safety of his brawny chest.

“Mir amore” he says to me while my hands play with his hair. Sitting upon his lap forward facing him with my legs straddling him in my snare. My eyes glance down quickly to meet with him, but the pull of his eyes is too much for me to bare. He scoots himself up and holds my pouty lipped jaw in his hand. He kisses my parted lips and speaks to me with every peck and pull of my mouth. “It is this way that I like to be kissed and kiss” he says to me. And my cheeks fill rose red as I fall into the window of his iris. The petals of my brown eyes, pleading to be invited in. I am possessed by this man. I give myself to him, kiss him from his feet to his forehead where I plant the seed of hope and dreams to lift him from this reality. He is my angel and I am the voyeur of flesh in love with him.

I am no virus. Tear down that wall of fire my love, and let me in. Let me love you as angels do. With the strength of wild stallions and by the order of the light of the moon, I am a loon, for the one and only you. I swoon, oh do I ever swoon and become drunk on all the thoughts I have of you. And I curse the gods, for the limits of my mind won’t allow for more than I can comprehend on this earthly plane. What resides beyond the blink of mine own eyes? Perhaps it is there I find the prize. The all consuming supernova that is you, and that is I. Maybe I will know, upon the moment I die. What it’s like to hear angels cry, tears of joy at the new coming sun. The spectacle of my love for you, is found in the light of our sun, where our souls harmoniously crave to be one.

I submit my love to you.